Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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