I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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