he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
