My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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