How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
