she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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