I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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