Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize