Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
