I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i'm inner monologue high
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
