No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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