the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
