It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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