i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The feeling are messing with the penis
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
