So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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