I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize