i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
