Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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