The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize