we're blogging at a bar
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
