we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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