The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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