My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
