How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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