How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I lost the right to judge tonight
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
