I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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