He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
