did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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