..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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