Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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