i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I could fuck to npr.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
