Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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