Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
