i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
