In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didn't notice because vodka
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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