u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i barfeds in our rink
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
