im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
