Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
