Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
