Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
