i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize