Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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