So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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