can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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