This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
