It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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