I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
