jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
