Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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