Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize