you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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