So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize