i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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