i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i came on her dog
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
