We won't sleep together?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
