1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
