i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
