you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
