We won't sleep together?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
