I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
