Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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