i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
