Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
