they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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