They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
