there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
