the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
