so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
