Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
