Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
