if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
