I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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