You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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