Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
