were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
