I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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